Does Couples Therapy Work?

Does Couples Therapy Work?

More and more couples in the UK are turning to couples therapy to address their relationship difficulties. Couples often wonder, “does couples therapy work?” and “how can couples therapy help?”. In part, the effectiveness of couples therapy is down to the structured guidance and specialised expertise of mental health professionals helping couples address complex issues. In this article, we will look further at the purpose of couples therapy, whether it has a truly lasting effect, and whether it is worth the investment of money and time.

What is couples therapy?

Couples therapy (also referred to as relationship counselling or marriage counselling) is a type of ‘talking therapy’ designed to help partners understand and address specific issues within their relationship. In the UK, couples therapy involves regular sessions with a trained and experienced therapist or counsellor in person or online. The counsellor helps the couple to make use of effective techniques for communication, conflict resolution, and emotional support, demonstrating how couples therapy can help improve their relationship. For couples considering a more structured approach to resolving disputes, family mediation might also be an alternative.

Why do couples seek therapy?

Couples may consider marriage counselling if there is a breakdown in communication within the relationship. This is one of the key areas where couples therapy can help, especially when partners feel misunderstood, unable or unwilling to communicate. Signs of a breakdown in communication include the use of ‘silent treatment’, passive-aggressive behaviour, interrupting, or struggling to express feelings. Breakdowns in communications can then lead to arguments and a growing resentment. If a couple is facing challenges in these areas, a cohabitation agreement can also be explored to provide a legal framework for couples living together.

Others seek therapy within a relationship if there has been a breach of trust, such as infidelity. Couples therapy provides a place for partners to attempt to rebuild trust between themselves and resolve painful emotions.

Major life changes such as starting a family, financial problems, family bereavement or moving to a new location can cause enormous stress within a relationship. In this context, couples therapy can help partners adapt to their new situation while working together.

Does couples therapy work?

Research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy suggests that nearly 70% of couples receiving therapy felt that their relationship improved as a result. Studies also demonstrate that couples therapy can help improve communication, empathy, and conflict resolution, all key skills for a healthy relationship. One highly regarded approach, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), is shown to be particularly helpful, with couples reporting greater satisfaction and understanding after completing the process. This is a model of psychotherapy that aims to help people reach a resolution for their emotional and relationship matters.

That said, the success of couples therapy cannot be taken as a given; it takes effort and commitment from both partners. This is because those who actively participate and commit to making changes tend to see better results. Another key ingredient to success is choosing the right therapist. It is vital to find and work with a therapist with relevant experience and a style that resonates with both partners. In the UK, therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) or the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) are required to meet recognised standards for practice.

Couples therapy is also more likely to work if both people are open to change. Therapy often involves exploring underlying issues and learning new communication techniques. Couples willing to embrace these changes are more likely to achieve lasting improvements. 

Couples who are contemplating the future of their relationship may want to consider a prenuptial agreement to secure their financial and legal arrangements.

What are the potential downsides of couples therapy?

It is important to understand the potential downsides of couples therapy before you start. These include:

• Requires lots of commitment and time – couples therapy can be a lengthy process, and confronting painful issues may feel uncomfortable.

• Cost - Private couples therapy in the UK can be expensive, with sessions costing between £40 and £100 per hour on average. Some charitable organisations offer low-cost options, though waiting lists may apply.

• Not guaranteed to work – couples therapy may not be effective if one partner is unwilling to participate or if there are deeply incompatible values. It is also not suitable if there is a background of abusive behaviour. If therapy is not an option, couples might need to explore more formal legal routes, such as civil partnership dissolution.

How to choose a therapist in the UK

We recommend finding a couples therapist that is accredited with a suitable body such as the BACP, UKCP, or the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT), all of which ensure professional standards are met by their members. Couples may also want to consider whether they prefer in-person or online sessions, read reviews, and ensure they feel comfortable with the therapist’s approach.

Alternatives to traditional couples therapy

For couples who are hesitant about traditional therapy, there are alternative options that may suit their needs:

• Relationship coaching – This is a goal-focused approach that can help couples address specific issues or improve communication without the depth of psychotherapy.

• Self-help resources – there are plenty of books, online courses, and podcasts that offer guidance for couples to explore. These are not a substitute for professional therapy, but they can provide useful ways to understand and deal with everyday relationship challenges. 

• Support Groups - Support groups, whether local or online, allow couples to share experiences and learn from others facing similar challenges.

Additionally, legal support from a qualified family law team can help with issues like cohabitation agreements or divorce and family law matters.