What is a Blended Family?

• At least one child in the family with a parental relationship with both members of the couple and

• The other child or children have a step-parent relationship with one member of the couple.

Cohabiting means that the couple are either unmarried, married or in a civil partnership.

A blended family is quite different from a more traditional ‘nuclear’ family in which all of the children are biological relatives of both parents. Such families may be made up of stepsiblings, step-parents, half-siblings, and biological parents.

How common are blended families in the UK?

In the UK, the number of blended families has seen significant growth in recent years. You may be surprised to know that far from being the exception, one in three families is now blended. According to a 2021 report by the Office for National Statistics (ONS), there were 781,000 step-families in the UK, and 81.6% of step-parents are male.

Can Blended Families Work?

If you find yourself at the helm of a blended family, you may be wondering what you can do to unite everyone together. Blended families can definitely work, but there may be challenges to address and issues to iron out before things settle. 

Becoming a parent in a blended family can be extremely overwhelming, not least because it creates a whole new set of interpersonal family dynamics. Some children may be unsure of how to act around their new step-parent and their children. Commonly, children in blended families feel a mix of emotions, including vulnerability, jealousy, anger, frustration and uncertainty. 

The reality is that making a blended family takes patience and open communication. By accepting your step-children as your own and treating everyone equally, you can ensure that everyone gets on and no one feels left out.

How to Manage a Blended Family

To help manage your blended family successfully, we recommend:

1. Recognising that creating bonds with your new step-children will take time.

You simply cannot form strong, trusted relationships in a blended family overnight; it takes time. Do all you can to get to know your partner’s children before trying to establish any authority over them. If possible, find common interests, allowing you to make a connection. 

Acting with too much authority over step-children can be deeply intimidating and off-putting, damaging your chances of creating a trusted connection. It is important not to rush the process and allow natural connections to form. Patience is key in blended families. 

It will take time for children to adapt to their new family environment, and there may be resistance at first. Even if you’ve adopted your stepchild, some children may feel resentful or unsure about the new family dynamics, especially if they have strong ties to their biological parents. 

2. Treating everyone the same as much as possible.

While it may be more natural to favour your own children over other children, after all, this is a natural response; it is important to try to treat everyone the same as much as possible. Do all you can not to appear biased or more generous towards your children. Doing so will make your step-children feel like outsiders in their own family. Treating everyone the same will make them feel integral to the new family unit.

3. Putting yourself in their shoes.

Empathy is key when starting a blended family. Ask yourself how you would feel in the metaphorical shoes of a step-child whose entire world has changed. Children are likely to feel extremely confused and worried about their new familial setup. They may have nightmares, exhibit difficult behaviour or cry. By thinking about how they feel, you can build a trusted connection with them. 

4. Seeking support and advice from a professional.

Do not underestimate just how emotionally and psychologically challenging it can be to adjust to blended family arrangements. It may be a stressful adjustment for everyone, but it’s important not to let the stress you feel affect your blended family relationships. After all, you are an adult, and you need to take control of the situation in a mature, responsible, and empathetic manner. 

If the stress becomes overwhelming, do seek guidance from a family therapist or another professional who can provide you with the perspective you need. They can provide you with strategies for improving communication and resolving conflict, ultimately strengthening the family.

Final words

By building strong, respectful relationships, setting clear boundaries, and seeking support when needed, as a parent in a blended family, you can establish a nurturing environment for everyone involved. Patience, respect, empathy and kindness are all essential.  

Guillaumes LLP Solicitors is a full-service law firm based in Weybridge, Surrey. Our highly experienced family law team can assist you with all relationship matters including divorce, pre-nuptial agreements, family mediation and more. To make an appointment, please call us on 01932 840 111 or fill out our contact form.