What is A Narcissist?

What is A Narcissist?

If you are at immediate risk of harm from your partner or a family member, please call 999 immediately. Support is also available nationally from the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (a service run by the Charity Refuge) on freephone 0808 2000 (lines are always open). 

A narcissist is a person who displays characteristics of superiority, self-centeredness, and a lack of empathy. The definition in the Cambridge dictionary is “someone who has too much admiration for himself or herself. Showing arrogance and conceit”.

So why would anyone find themselves in a relationship with a narcissist? The problem is that they are also known for being charming early in relationships, but their toxic traits soon appear.

It is important to understand that not every person who shows these traits would be diagnosed by a psychologist as a narcissist. This is because it is a spectrum, with some individuals displaying mild traits and others exhibiting full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which can significantly impact their behaviour and relationships.

In this blog, we’ll be covering key questions, such as:

• What is a narcissistic personality?

• What is a malignant narcissist?

• What is narcissistic behaviour?

• What is a narcissistic relationship?

• What is narcissistic abuse?

• What legal protection do you have against narcissistic abuse?

What is a Narcissistic Personality?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a diagnosed mental health condition characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration. While this may sound relatively harmless on the surface, individuals with NPD often struggle with relationships, are unable to handle criticism, and may resort to manipulation or exploitation of others to achieve their goals.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is diagnosed when the traits of narcissism, such as a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and need for admiration, are so strong that they significantly interfere with a person’s daily life and relationships. This disorder often requires professional treatment, typically through psychotherapy or counselling.

What is a Malignant Narcissist?

As mentioned, narcissism is a spectrum, with some people only exhibiting mild traits while others are diagnosed with NPD. You may be wondering, what is a malignant narcissist and where do they fit into the spectrum? 

Malignant narcissism is an extreme form whereby the narcissist not only has the characteristics of NPD but also exhibits additional traits such as: 

• Aggression

• Paranoia 

• Lack of remorse 

Malignant narcissists often go to great lengths to maintain control and power over their partners and others, often resulting in significant emotional and psychological harm being caused to the victim/s.

What is Narcissistic Behaviour?

Narcissistic behaviour can manifest itself in many ways. What are examples of narcissistic behaviour?

• Narcissists commonly have a need to always be right

• They refuse to accept responsibility for wrongdoings 

• Narcissists have an obsession with appearing superior in a range of contexts. This may include narcissistic behaviours such as belittling, degrading, shouting, or insulting. 

• Narcissists are often very adept at turning around conversations to be about themselves

• They tend to dismiss the feelings of others

Narcissists may alternate between intense admiration and devaluation of the people around them. This can lead to stonewalling or love bombing.

What is a Narcissistic Relationship?

A narcissistic relationship is one where one partner exhibits narcissistic traits at the expense of the other partner’s well-being. Such relationships are typically characterised by a real imbalance of power, where the narcissist controls and manipulates their partner. Partners on the receiving end are often left: 

• Feeling emotionally drained

• Always ‘walking on eggshells’

• Doubting their self-worth. 

This cycle of idealisation, devaluation, and discard is typical in relationships with narcissists, making them extremely difficult and harmful.

A recent study by psychologist Nayera Mohamed Shousha looked at the experiences of 27 women aged between 24 and 54 in narcissistic relationships and asked what it is like to be in a relationship with a narcissist and how those on the receiving end can heal. Those who took part in the study reported experiencing abuse in the form of aggression and gaslighting. 

Most respondents reported that their ex-partners were “selfish, self-centred, manipulative, self-important, manipulative, abusive, lacked empathy, and believed that they were envied for being unique and special”. 

In addition, they said they were “highly critical, great actors, attention-seekers, demons, vampires, dominants, infallible, liars, exploitative, noncommittal, neglectful, aggressive, cheaters, and duplicitous”. The study also highlighted how respondents tended to view themselves as victims of abuse after the relationship came to an end. 

Many also shared how they had rebuilt their lives after leaving a narcissist, including seeking professional help and spirituality.

What is Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic abuse in relationships may involve a wide range of negative behaviours toward a partner, including: 

• Emotional manipulation and abuse

• Gaslighting (i.e. making someone question their reality)

• Financial control and

• Physical abuse. 

Narcissistic abusers often use these methods, and others, as a way of controlling their partner, friend, or family member, leaving their victim feeling confused, devalued, and traumatised.

Legal protections and support for victims of narcissistic abuse

In the UK, there are several protections for those affected by abusive behaviour stemming from narcissism. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 recognises the crime of controlling and coercive behaviour, which is often exhibited by narcissists, as a form of domestic abuse.

Victims of domestic abuse, including narcissistic abuse, can seek protection orders such as a non-molestation order or an occupation order under the Family Law Act 1996. These orders can provide immediate relief by preventing the abuser from contacting the victim or living in the same household.

In addition to non-molestation and occupation orders, victims may also apply for a restraining order under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. This Act covers harassment and stalking, which are common tactics sometimes employed by narcissists to maintain control over their victims.